Job and His Spiritual Bypassing Friends

At this time of year in my Bible reading plan, I have come across the very book that had started some sort of “refining cycle” for me. The Book of Job. Now I don’t know another word for it at the moment but I seem to always have some sort of refining that I go through or even a test of my faith. Some people call it a karmic cycle or spiritual growth. Just two examples in recent years I had my faith tested was in 2024 which was the beginning of my church hurt. Last year, my grandmother was in and out of the hospital and I thought she was going to be leaving us. Needless to say for about four years, I would tell everyone to stay away from me at the time I start the Book of Job. 

“Looking Through The Lens of Job’s Friends”

When I finally opened The Book of Job and started reading it, I prayed. Everything in my life has been finally going great mentally, physically and emotionally. I began my journal entry for that day saying “it doesn’t matter how righteous you are, everyone goes through hardships”. This just served to me as a reminder that the goodness and mercy of God doesn’t mean He wants evil on His children. Being in a fallen world of evil powers at play, I remember just how God will always pull us out and His timing is the best timing. Then, the Holy Spirit spoke to me just as I began. 

As I have been reading, I heard Him say “This time, look through the eyes of Job’s “friends”. When I was going through my hurt, I heard it all from friends or some women that stayed around for the short time in my life. They did not know that they were spiritually bypassing, but they offered good or surface leveled advice but aimed at me differently. I began studying the culture, the beliefs and asking “Why were Job’s friends answering the way that they were?” Holy Spirit continued: “As your friends come to you for support, do not spiritually bypass them as to you and Job.” 

I am taking this role very seriously. As people are coming to me to ask for help, advice or what they need to do, instead of consistently telling them that I would do it xyz…I ask questions and try to figure out how to go alongside them in this journey of their hurt. If I do not know the answers, I just sit with them. I listen and make them feel heard and seen. Being a coach does not mean I have all the right answers. Sometimes, I am trying to learn and figure out with you as you go.

Now when it comes to Job’s friends,  I am on the journey this year to understand them and think about the good they were trying to get at, the misdirection and how modern day believers think this way.

This is a great rabbit trail that you should look into on your own. 

Friends that are Spiritually Bypassing 

Though Job’s friends believe in the practice that he may have done something wrong to lose everything, in a way there was spiritual bypassing. This is something that I see in the body of believers today. One main thing that stood out to me was the lack of counsel or true advice based on what exactly Job was going through. It was only Elihu that reminded Job that the Most High’s ways are so limited to our human existence or nature. However, how do you speak to people about God’s goodness when they are actively hurting? 

I want to touch on some common phrases that we may hear or have been told that are bypassing the very things or pain that you are going through. Some phrases that the church may say to that are spiritually bypassing:   

“Everything happens for a reason” -People in the church use this phrase that the all knowing powerful God has a just reason for your pain and selected you for that very thing. Now, I am not doubting that God in His way will use that pain for His purpose. What I am saying is using this bypassing phrase in the midst of trial or pain is not what Job or even you need to hear. People should instead say: “I am so sorry that this is happening right now to you. We may not understand your journey, but I am here to walk with you and to help you.”

“Think about the Blessings you have now.”- When people said this to me, I knew that meant well. It is a very easy thing to say to help distract you in that moment of your pain. People should not try to deflate the pain you are feeling and dismissing/ bypassing uses gratitude as a weapon and to ignore your pain. Instead you should say: “Take your time where you are at. I know this is hard for you. When you are ready, let's reflect together.”

“Just pray about it.” - This is the most common phrase and we are ALL guilty of it. Now sometimes saying this isn’t horrible. But when they share their heart and then that is the only answer given, it will make the one hurt feel as if their heart was poured out for nothing. Admit you do not have the words right now. Try saying: “ I do not have the words to say right now, I also may not understand, but I am an ear to you through your pain.”

What We Can Do About It 

I know there are plenty more. Please feel free to share them or even tell me about the ones you heard. If you are sitting with pain or hurt, you may not feel comfortable explaining to the person you are speaking with, but remember that some people may not even understand and believe they are helping. We basically rinse and repeat the same sayings not knowing what impact that it may have on the other person. I understand it is not intentional. Let’s just learn slowly how to shift our mindset to those that are truly hurting and crying out. 

Ladies, please reach out to www.amunahcoaching.com if you are ready to start your healing journey today.

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